Eat, Drink and Be Content - My Birth Story

The gray area of when labor starts is rarely heralded by a neat "5 min apart, lasting 1 minute, for at least 1 hour", otherwise known as 511, but, shhh, don't tell my midwifery clients.  As a midwife, I can tell it in the puffed faces of my beautiful mothers, their mental desperation and physical distress at a state that is starting to feel timeless. As a mother, I recognize it in myself when I start to burn things in the kitchen, consistently, each meal is somehow derailed, for days.  My mind is incredibly present, but not.  It is the outward manifestation of the internal contradiction, in the the invariable discomforts of late pregnancy, I somehow find myself yearning for escape though the rhythmic pain of contractions.

I have just felt three contractions in a half hour.  They squeeze my middle, forcing me to sway my hips and breathe.  The baby even pauses its passes at my ribs, seeming to wonder at the new sensations too.  I call my husband at work, wanting him to be on alert in case he has to come quick.  The kitchen is inside out with half finished projects, coconut date balls need to be rolled and dipped in coconut, salsa needs to be chopped and bottled, there's milk cooling for yogurt, beans bubbling for tonight's enchiladas, and a sink full of the evidence.  It's at least an hour or two of work, and my labors rarely last that long.  My mind is swimming between before and after. Now, I'm a pregnant mother preparing her family for her postpartum rest. After, I'm on the other side of this great battle called labor.

I've been advised by many to listen to Surah Maryam (the Chapter of Mary) during labor.  It is what fits right now.  I plug in my phone to the speakers.  "Kaf Ha Ya Ain Sad" rings out of the dainty speakers and reverberates through my entire being on such a physical level, that I  grab the counters edge and sink down to the kitchen floor.  The soothing words and rhythm continue to wash over me melding the before and after of this fragile expectant mother.  I am reminded that if I die, I am a martyr, receiving the same spiritual status as a holy warrior.  I weep for a forgiveness I didn't know needed forgiving. It feels like the shedding of a self, one that needs to yield in order for a momentous event to occur.

My son overhears the weeping and asks, "Are you having contractions?"  Yes, I answer him, noting mentally, that no, I haven't felt them since I called my husband half an hour ago, but there is no other explanation for my unraveling in the kitchen, so I do what most mothers do and opt for expediency.  I hear him tell his sister that the baby is coming.  I am once again grounded by my sweet children.  The dates need to be pitted.  I hit 'translate' on the Qur'an app on my phone.  The ayah (verse) that is playing at that moment, that pops into my phone's screen, is like a Divine answer to my misgivings, "So eat and drink and be contented".  My heart swells with belief, and I am back on the staircase weeping.  Allah is al-Hayy, the Living, I am not alone in this undertaking.  The kitchen can wait, I finish listening to the surah before resuming my work.   I imagine that this is what a soldier feels like before battle, humbled ego, and steadied heart.

After having three labors, there are some individual patterns that can be etched out.  I can now say that not only does my water break before my labors, but that it does so at the beginning of the morning prayer.  It's an odd pattern, but I like it.

I'm lying in bed as my husband is rousing for fajr, when a contraction hits me so hard, I reach out for his arm.  And then with a great release, the soothing warmth of amniotic fluid gushes between my legs, a message from the other side, my babies habitat for the past nine months revealed.  Instantly,  I am shivering and moaning through contractions.  It's odd to be a midwife and a mother in labor.  The contrast between the head and the heart is somehow clearer.  I'm noting from a distant place, that I am in transition, right now.  I tell my husband to call the midwife, but tell her not to come, the heart is wanting privacy.  I am playing that mind game that mothers in labor play.  We tell ourselves that this is only the beginning in order to have mental stamina for the end, and in some ways, labor really is only the beginning.

The morning prayers are said, and we are descending the staircase so these moans of "Ooooopppppeeennn" do not wake the sleeping children.  By the time we make it to our living room, the birth room, I am nauseous and hot.  I want a wet washcloth, and a woman's knowing touch.  My beloved midwife lives less than a mile away.  "Call her", I tell my devoted husband who is fumbling with the birth tub pump.  She answers and says, I'm already on my way, did we think she was waiting for another call?  Oh midwives, the good ones capture that difficult place between knowing and unknowing with such skill and wit.

I am sending each contraction into circles of movement, from hips to cervix.  I can't imagine not circling my hips. "Ya Latif", O Gentle One, I mutter weaving this sentiment into these circles.  I am connected to my Muslim sisters from Afghanistan to Senegal, who have uttered this Divine name through their contractions for centuries.  They become my companions through these giant, urgent waves.  I can do this too.

The birth tub is inflated, but dry, as I am feeling the first urges to push.  There is no time to fill it.  I have never done this without the tub and I am nervous.   How do I push outside of the tub?   The answer soon becomes clear, you just do.  Twenty minutes later, my nine pound baby boy is born.  We have named him Ya Sin, a name without direct meaning, yet fraught with Divine mysteries and meanings.  It is what I felt throughout this pregnancy, and the earliest twinges of  labor, a knowing beneath the surface, that if trusted and sought, will open up worlds of understanding.  May Allah bless him, and all babies and mothers everywhere. Our children truly are here to teach us, from their conception, to adulthood.  I am grateful to learn.

Post Note: We wanted to say a special thank you to our other stellar midwife Lael, who not only made the birth hours before leaving on vacation, but brought us a dozen eggs from her chicken to nourish us and continue the cycle.

What Gets the Baby In...A Birth Story

"What gets the baby in, gets the baby out"

-Ina May Gaskin - founder of modern American midwifery

"...sexuality is a whole.  The same hormones are involved in the different episodes of sexual life such as intercourse, childbirth, and lactation....The final phase of each sexual event is always an 'ejection reflex': sperm ejection reflex, foetus ejection reflex, milk ejection reflex. 

-Michel Odent from The Farmer and the Obstetrician

I was awoken at around 2 am by a phone call from Kim (you can read her awesome rendition of giving birth here)  Expecting her second baby any day, I was waiting for her phone call.  

"I couldn't sleep so I had sex.  After we were done, my contractions started coming every five minutes.  I swear, I wasn't trying to bring on labor!"  Kim laughingly told me. I listened through a couple of contractions then told her to change positions, maybe try a shower and call me in half an hour to see if things slowed down, or picked up, or what.  I was thinking that things would peter out after her hormones calmed down.  Oh, how I love to be proven wrong.

My somewhat rule is that if the dad calls you during labor, it's go time.  About twenty minutes later, the phone rang.  Mike's Irish lilt turning serious told me that things were picking up and it looked like labor.  I could hear Kim moaning through a contraction in the background. Wonderful!  I told him to call the doula, and that I would get myself and my things together and head over.   

As  I was approaching the lights and wonder that is crossing the Bay Bridge in the wee hours, the doula called.  My other somewhat rule (because can birth really have rules?) is that if the doula calls, I better step on it.  Britt informed me that Kim was indeed active and that they just wanted to make sure that I was on my way.  Yes, I was, ten minutes I said.  I went as fast as feels safe over a bridge and through city streets.  

It was a lovely night to be born, a chill, crisp March evening.  Entering Kim's birth space was truly magical.  Kim is an artist. She makes each and every thing she does an act of beauty, creation, and meaning.  From our first visit her birth space and how it looked was of utmost importance to her and her husband.  She came through.  The tub had been moved into their living space. Candles, with inspiring collages and quotes from Kim's myriad friends, filled the room with love and light.  Music, which I never would have pegged as birth music, but suited the moment perfectly livened the mood.  Kim was on the bed hands and knees.  I threw my things down to say hello and have a quick listen.  As soon as I did that Kim let out a deep, sonorous yet guttural sound signalling that the power of birth was moving through her. My midwife ears heard it and I peeked at her perineum, indeed it was bulging with a soul determined to take it's place in the family, and soon!  

Kim made it clear that she wanted in the tub.  She was so relaxed and in control, yet totally surrendered. She had a vision of her birth, and she was going to make it happen if at all possible.  We moved her into the tub with the head sooo low! It was the perfect ending to a whirlwind labor.  The contractions slowed a wee bit, just in time to wake big sister.  Kim moved to hands and knees in the water.  With a couple of pushes, her son's head was out, witnessed by all in attendance, including her two year old pajama footed daughter.  I reached down to help with the body and sweep him through to mama's waiting arms.

And just like that, it was done, a circle of love completed.  Truly Kim's birth was an illustration that birth is not separate from sexuality, that it draws from it, and intimately relies on it.   It was an honor to see, and a privilege to so clearly observe a truth about women's bodies and their hormones, we are indeed vessels of love. 

Self Care for Midwives, Doulas, and other Birth Attendants

Photo Credit

I often feel as if I go through a mini postpartum after I attend a birth.   The first couple of days I'm on that natural birth high.  The mom's pheromones are known to affect the dad, turning him into a softer, more sensitive partner, but why not the other people attending her labor?  I find myself generally a more gentle and appreciative mother and wife in the first few days after a birth, not to mention weepy!  And then, either the sleep deprivation sets in, or my hormones come back to their senses, and I can turn into a cranky, overtired woman, almost postpartum myself!

This past year though, I have found a few things that help me reset my clock and nurture myself post-birth. After all midwives, doulas, and anyone else attending a labor and birth, give their all.  It is almost impossible to be with a woman in birth, and be only half present.  We are so giving, that at times we lose sight of our own comfort and needs. I  have found the following things to be simple, yet effective in helping me care for myself so that I can keep on caring for others.


1.  YOGA 

Sometimes I forget to breathe at a birth, or feel my feet on the ground.   I do find most births grounding in nature, but at times we midwives hold our breaths,  and then forget to exhale.  We often get into funky positions and stay there for a long time.  It is usually late at night by the time we get around to suturing, and we find ourselves tired, and in a hunched over position for another hour or so.  Let's face it, this is when stir ups would be useful!  And then of course, we have to gaze and adore the bundle of cuteness curled up next to its mother, that's the best payment!  All of these positions entail a hunched over posture.

I have found restorative chest openers an antidote to this predicament.  Supta bada konasana, or reclined angle pose is my absolute go to after I get home, even if it's 4 am. Take a bolster, sit at it's edge, and place the soles of your feet together in bada konasana.  Lean back over the bolster so that your chest is forced open.  Feel the breath move all the way up into your collarbones.  Feel them smile at you! 

The photo above is also a great pose to open your chest, and relieve tight shoulders. It can easily be done after that tough suturing job! I also like to just do savasana on the floor for a few breaths. Feeling myself on the floor helps me to slow down and reenter my body, and come back to the present.  What a gift yoga is! 

2.  ARNICA

It turns out that arnica is not only useful for mothers after childbirth, but for midwives too!  Arnica, a homeopathic remedy, is great for easing soreness and exhaustion in birth attendants.  It is also useful for jet lag, something we could use to describe the feelings after a night or two sans sleep.  I put it in my water bottle at the birth, and take it for a day or two, refilling it when I refill my water.  It has really helped me to reset my clock and to feel not so achy the next day.  It will often give me a second wind if I need to stay up for the day, this is why it's used for jet lag.  I have found this aspect of arnice helps immensely as well.  Naturally, I am a night owl (didn't I pick the right profession?!), so if I let myself, one birth could through me into months of late nights, but since I am not in college any longer, this lifestyle is not conducive to my life now. Arnica helps me stay away from this pitfall and maintain somewhat normal hours...for a midwife!

3.  RESCUE REMEDY

Birth is beautiful, amazing, a miracle, and any other superlative you want to attach to it. It is all of those things and more.  I am grateful beyond words for the opportunity to witness this act of creation.  But, I am also a midwife, and do believe part of my role as a midwife, is to guard the parameters of safety for mother and babe. This is a huge responsibility.  At times I  find it can make me tense and over vigilant.     That's when I reach for my Rescue Remedy,  a flower essence known to calm panic, relieve stress, and be useful in emergency situations.  Rescue Remedy, sometimes called Five Flower Essence is very calming and gentle.


I hope these tips are useful to you midwives, doulas, dads, sisters, friends, or anyone who is blessed to attend a birth.  If you have anything you do after births to help your recovery, please share.  All too often we neglect our own health  in order to serve others, but this won't take us very far. May we all take care of ourselves so that we can keep on helping the mothers and babies of the earth!

Reflections of a Midwife in Ramadan

"And comparing the expanse of the world into which a man enters on death is like comparing the spaciousness of the world to the womb; only it is wider and greater"
-Al-Ghazili in The Book of Patience and Thankfulness

It's always a blessing to witness a birth, but as with everything in Ramadan, this blessing becomes manifold. This has been the year of precious Ramadan babies. They've all come with ease and grace, and many lessons to teach their midwife. In the quote above al-Ghazali says that this birth is a simile for the birth we will experience when pulled from our graves. A mother is earth, her flesh a portal transformed for another life. In tears, sweat, and joy she surrenders to life's calling and purpose; a new soul to traverse the earth.

It is an impossible thing birth. Even as I watch mothers over and over again, I am always amazed that this is how human life begins. The act of birth is a great sign from God. What we would logically call impossible, in each moment of labor becomes more and more possible. At first we see a quarter size of the head, with each contraction we see more, but then it too disappears back into the womb. This is the two-steps-forward-one-step-back dance of the second stage. Allah's power manifests itself clearly now as each witness is silently contemplating the possibility of a human emerging from such a small space. Even the mother needs a 'you can do it' at this point. Once we've given up, only then do we move forward.

Soon the prince or princess is crowning, emerging from one consciousness to the next. The attendants watch in wonder as the miracle that is about to occur pauses. With the next contraction the head spirals into Earth's pull. A graceful exhale is warranted. The mother is in awe. The midwife is honored to be of the first to lay hands on the world's newest member. It must be done with intention and clear spirit, for these new beings are impressionable. The shoulders and body emerge and a slippery body is placed on a heaving mothers chest.

The midwife can sit back now and watch from the corner. The room is still and seems to be full of angels, at least two more have just been called to duty. It took so long, yet went so fast. What we were once anticipating for months and months is now here in a matter of moments. The eyes of a child just born reveal all we need to know, aware, watchful, and knowing. As he takes in his surroundings, I wonder how we will take in our surroundings at the next phase of life. Will it be as astonishing and grand? Will there be joy or grief? What I now cannot fathom, a grave, bones, and a resurrection, will it all seem so obvious after the fact? Will I know who I am and will there be familiar souls to accompany me?

I'm not certain and apprehensive of the answers to these questions. But I do know that my perch in the birthing room again and again increases my certainty that creation is continually happening, and as uncertain as a new life after the grave may seem, each birth brings me closer to the fact that for the Creator, it is possible. It is just as possible as young mother stepping into a birth tub by herself, and emerging from it with another life. We dry them off and tuck them into bed. An ordinary miracle on a sunny Ramadan day.

Home Birth on ABC News

A surprising and refreshing look at home birth from the mainstream news outlet ABC. With home births increasing by 20% in the four year period between 2004-2008, it's no wonder that mainstream news outlets are approaching home birth with some respect, even reverence. The hostess says she was born at home in San Francisco in the 70's, "but that was a different time". Well, if that's the case, the times they are a changin' once again, because thirty years from now, I bet there will be a newscaster or two who was born at home herself! Enjoy the video!

Six is It - The Birth

Someone just sent me this webisode of a family of six, having a home birth with their '6th'! I really love how real it all is. The mother does a great job of expressing why even though this was her most difficult birth, it actually has sustained her in times of difficulty when mothering six! It's also so nice to see families outside of the dominant culture birth theirs at home. Enjoy!

Six is It- Episode 6 (The Birth) from Sixisit Episodes on Vimeo.

The Healing Hour

No matter what type of birth you have, the first hour after birth is meant to be savored. Both mother and baby have made it. The hard work is over and the instinctual acts of attachment and bonding are about to begin. Baby has so much work to do, learn to breathe, digest, find the food, etc..but these lessons have not begun yet. Think of this hour as an exhale, a big exhale after the bated breath of labor. No one needs to intervene, weigh, assess, or even show the baby where he is to get his nourishment from. Mom and baby know exactly what they are doing, it is a state of expansion after the contraction(s) of labor.

Recently, a fellow midwife deemed this hour, 'the healing hour'. Labor is a huge event, mother and child each feeling the grandness, and difficulty of it, well, they just need a moment to catch their breaths. An hour is not an exact measurement, but I find it nice to really try to guard that sixty minutes closely. Today's world moves fast enough, it impinges on every area of our life as it is, birth should be an exemption. For one hour, no visitors, no texts, no phone calls. Take advantage of the biological imperatives so firing in these moments, the baby's alert state, her large searching eyes, mother's oxytocin level the highest it will be in her life, take these and so many other reasons and fall in love. It is a love that cannot be weighed, swaddled, assessed, but one that in the moments after birth is begging to happen.

If this isn't enough reason to keep antsy nurses and fidgety midwives at bay, here are some more by the legendary Michel Odent. I have summed them up and clarified in certain instances. The full article can be found here.

1. Baby needs to breathe. Who is a better teacher of this, mom or incubator?

2. A short but crucial period, that will never be repeated. Ethologists have observed this period in birds and mammals and have concluded that it should never be disturbed. Why do we disturb it?

3. The first hour as the beginning of lactation. Babies have instincts too. Place them tummy to tummy between mom's breasts and watch them find their own nourishment. Also skin to skin has been shown to increase success in breastfeeding.


4. Metabolic adaptation. Babies use less of their precious glucose and fat when on mother. They use more when screaming from across the room, or being passed around to relatives. They can enter hour 2.


5. Thermoregulation. Babies stay warmer on mom, and they also learn how to keep themselves warm when sleeping near her. The womb didn't have great temperature variations, so they must adapt to the extremes on the outside and it takes awhile for them to be able to do that.

6. The bacteria. When placed skin to skin baby starts to colonize mom's bacteria, the bacteria he/she will be living with, and already has antibodies to from it's time in the womb. This is extremely important for babies future health.


7. "The greater the social need for aggression and an ability to destroy life, the more intrusive the rituals and beliefs are in the period surrounding birth." Wow! No comment!


I keenly remember each of my children in this first hour, both unique and different, yet I still see it in them now. These moments you can't have back. Talk to your midwife or doctor about this hour before you deliver. Tell them you want to postpone the weighing and measuring and any assessments until afterwards. Have a no cell phone rule in this hour. Everyone can wait, but your baby is present now, and he is looking for his mother, he is looking for home.

Pampers and Home Birth?!

While midwives are being arrested for attending births here, and here, sentenced to two years in prison for attending births here - Pampers is bringing home birth into the mainstream. A water birth at that! Sometimes things have to get worse before they can get better - whatever it is, a change is in the air. I hope the best for all of the aforementioned midwives, I pray that their struggles are not in vain, that midwifery is once again a viable option for women around the world!!

Birthrights

Birthrights is a wonderful new series premiering on Al-Jazeera English. It is a "series exploring maternal health and the power, politics and poverty that impacts it around the world.". The following three episodes are some of their first. The first one is about Hungarian OB turned home birth midwife, Agnes Gereb, and her imprisonment for attending home births in Hungary, a country where it is legal to choose your place of birth, but illegal to attend birth at home if you are a licensed practitioner! The second episode follows the lives of women who have undergone obstetric fistula repair surgery in Ethiopia. Obstetric fistulas are holes that develop, usually due to the prolonged pressure of a baby's head, between the rectum or vagina, leaving women incontinent of either urine or feces, rendering them also socially isolated. These injuries come about largely due to unskilled birth attendants, and a lack of resources. The third episode here follows a group of midwives traversing Ethiopia hoping to change that by either creating birth centers, or training traditional birth attendants, who have no training. Great series, I can't wait to watch more. Enjoy!!

Radical Homemakers

As a midwife one gets lots of phone calls, quick questions, and requests from pregnant women. Mostly, these women are not my clients. They ask about how to turn their baby, does their weight gain sound normal, what's a gestational diabetes test, etc....Most of these questions don't come from my clients because we discuss these things, they are out in the open, transparent for the both of us to grapple with and resolve. The fears of a pregnant woman are nothing to be dismissed, in fact the further they are buried, the more likely they are to rear their ugly head at inopportune moments (i.e. labor). It often leaves me wondering how as a people we have become so out of touch with the flowering and bearing fruit of our species. Or perhaps we know too much, the technologies peeking into hypothetical drawers not meant for our eyes. Once opened though, we can't forget the drawers contents. In the past did women really worry about 'back labor' in their fifth month of pregnancy? Did midwives need an ultrasound machine to tell them which way the baby was facing? Who had a scale?!



I found a piece of the answer in Shannon Hayes's book, Radical Homemakers. In it she talks about how so many of our basic skills and economies have been usurped by corporations thereby swapping what she dubs 'a life serving economy' for ' an extractive economy'. She implores us to switch back. What is midwifery if not life serving? Do I dare say that obstetrics(think almost a 35% national cesarean rate) is extractive in the true sense of the word?! I found Hayes's book compelling. It offered reasons why so many women who choose the cookie cutter model of obstetrical care are often the ones calling me with burning unanswered questions. Like food, clothing and even education, the art and science of obstetrics has been co-opted by economic interests. Discussing with a woman how to possibly influence her GBS status, how to avoid a posterior labor, or even what constitutes a good baby growing diet, would not serve an extractive economy. It would take too much time and wouldn't pay so well.




When I get these queries from women who often see a new doctor at each visit, I feel for them. They are not blossoming from the care they are receiving.Rather their trust in themselves and their bodies, is literally being extracted. Doubt often creeps in. Midwifery on the other hand is life sustaining for both mother and midwife. It is a personal relationship with someone in your community who shops at the same grocery stores you do, who breathes the same air, plays at the same parks. This is the soil upon which new life is brought forth. It begins with a family and folds into community. It is an honest relationship brokered on trust. Just like we are discovering that local food is superior in terms of quality, environmental impact, and even taste, I hope that sentiment spreads to mothers and babies. Look for local, sustainable midwives and birth. Build a real community for your baby from day one.



Radical Homemaker is a fascinating read with lots of history of how we got to where we are in terms of a largely consumer society rather than producing to meet most of our needs. Here are some quotes I liked from the Radical Homemaker:

• ..."the homemaker who simply learns to cook dinner, keep a garden, and patch blue jeans will probably not find deep fulfillment, either. Those who do not seriously challenge themselves with a genuine life plan, with the intent of taking a constructive role in society, will share the same dangers as the housewives who suffered under the mystique of feminine fulfillment; they face what Freidan called a "nonexistent future".

• "In order to revive our culture and create a vibrant society that does not depend on a consumer driven and ecologically rapacious economy, more of us need to look homeward to create a life-nurturing alternative."

• "The simplest and most sensible start for Radical Homemakers departing the extractive economy and building the life serving economy were the elemental practices of thrift, frugality and debt avoidance....The defining principles: are including everyone in the economic picture; capitalizing on available resources; minimizing waste; becoming net producers of goods rather than net consumers; bartering; spending money where it matters most; and understanding the concepts of "enough".

• "Healing remedies were once standard knowledge for homemakers, right up until the industrial revolution"

Fear Causes Tears

Fear causes tears, perineal tears that is. This is the conclusion of a new study out of Sweden. The study looked at perineal tearing in home birth settings. What they found was that midwives prevent tears long before the birth actually occurs. They do this through a number of means, but the overriding theme, strong communication between the mother and midwife. Then when the pushing phase is underway, they have an already established relationship and a trust. If pushing needs to be slowed down, if the midwife needs to tell the mother to blow through a few contractions to ease the head out, it's fine because the mother and her midwife have a bond which they both can rely on in this intense moment. The mother can then relax, her pelvic floor muscles can relax too, she can push without fear into the trusted hands of her midwife.

The other areas which the study found important in preventing vaginal tears amongst a home birth population were:


1. Preparing for the birth

2. Going along with the physiological process

3. Creating sense of security

4. The critical moment

5. Midwifery skills


Another great reason to consider midwifery care. Your bottom will thank you!!

Naitree enchantee

This is such a beautiful film! It is birth with acceptance and without fear. It's simplicity speaks volumes. It is in Arabic, French, Spanish and English. The labor is enchanting and her vocalizations through contractions are musical. Gentle, peaceful, spontaneous, and joyous - a birth to be watched by all women. My favorite part is the cat ears poking up towards the pushing phase! Enjoy and happy holidays!

Another Homebirth Video

The Homebirth of Lucia Mae from Sara Janssen on Vimeo.

This video has some darling , colorful pictures. I love the portrayal of the daughter's role in her sister's birth. It is also a testimony to the family's affection for their midwife, she's like a part of the family! To read more on the lasting impression a midwife makes through a woman's lifetime (i.e. beyond the childbearing years), check this out, Midwifery Care: Reflections of Midwifery Clients. Be sure to download the full text.

What Luke Said

Home births don't always happen at home. On average around 10% of attempted home births end in the hospital. This is the story of one such birth and the feelings and raw emotion such a transfer can evoke. This acute disappointment and sense of failure is the domain of women who attempt natural birth and don't end up with one. They are the brave ones, the ones who risk, struggle, go out on a limb, and after their labor, in this case two days of it, end up in the place they had hoped to avoid. Unlike women who intend a hospital birth and well, end up with one, women who attempt a home birth and then end up in the hospital have the extra burden of processing what went 'wrong'. Another curve on the long road of motherhood.



Maceo was my client. She is an example of the intelligent and thoughtful women who choose out of hospital birth. A talented writer and warm presence, she brought joy to her pregnancy and was one of the rare women who enjoyed the pregnancy more and more as her belly swelled, all the way up to and past her due date! She will always have a special place in my heart as after my own baby was born, in her fifth month of pregnancy, she brought me delicious Cuban food and her cheery presence. We measured her belly on my couch with my two week old sleeping nearby. During her first night of contractions, I slid my sleeping daughter into the car, and drove the mile to Maceo's house, my daughter never waking the entire night. This type of shared motherhood is the glue of friendship and community. Thank you Maceo!



So without further ado, here is a re-posting from Maceo's own blog, Dripping River Water, which of course, you all must go subscribe to right now, as I'm sure there is much forthcoming mama wisdom from this source! And welcome to the sweetest Omar!

There is a table in the lobby. It is long and wooden positioned right below a big mirror. There people leave things they no longer want: old fax machines, magazines, sneakers, books. I am the resident manager and this leaving of things annoys me only when no one takes it. I am left to throw away these items. Things that could have easily been given as a donation, somewhere else, not in the lobby of my building. There was a pocket sized New Testament once. I picked it up. This is a book I couldn’t throw out, I couldn’t leave it on the sidewalk, I couldn’t give it to a random person. I had to keep it and for a year it lived between my Moroccan Arabic Phrasebook and El diccionario de sinonimos y antonimos bought in Venezuela when I was there in 1996.

My son is now 5 weeks old. He has lived his days between arms of those who love him. I have only been away from him minutes at a time, missing him and calling my mami to see how he is doing. Yesterday I went for a walk with my friend. I left my mami with 5 ozs of my milk. I gave her instructions and hoped that it wouldn’t be too hard for either of them. The sun was out. Its rays hit my toes. There was a chill in shady areas. I was afraid to catch a cold. I thought of myself confined in my bedroom pumping milk, sweating and sick, not able to see my son.

We went to Arizmendi. I was treated to pizza and a root beer sitting outside. I watched the beautiful people of Oakland pass by. I saw the mamas pushing the strollers or carrying their babies on their backs. I saw the dogs. The endless amount of dogs take over the sidewalk. I wondered if my skin would darken sitting outside of Arizmendi. I have been home for weeks looking out the living room windows at the trees and the birds. The root beer was good. It became my new favorite. There on the table was the cap. It had writing. In the inside it read, Luke 1:37. I thought the root beer bottling was more hipster than religious. Or maybe it was both.

For the past five weeks I have only written in my head. I write books and plays while I nurse my son in his sleep. I wish that the words would leave my mind and walk unto the page. Any page. Somewhere else. But the words don’t. They are locked away and I wonder if I will be able to write. Then I read stories of writers who have shared similar nights. Perhaps not nursing their sons but still in bed writing words on the walls with their pupils.

For the past five weeks I have begun learning what it is to be a mother. I have learned what it is to remain still, to be totally dependent. There is a scar above my bikini line. It is black and sometimes it is sore. All throughout my pregnancy I was pleased not to have any stretch marks. Instead I got a scar where they pulled my baby out. That scar reminds me of my imperfections and my failures.

I wonder sometimes why I couldn’t give birth at home. Sometimes I have a hard time completing things. The end is always so hard. I go through my over fifty hours of labor at home and four days in the hospital. I try to figure out what exactly went wrong. I know everything is God’s will but somehow I feel at a loss. I wonder if somewhere in back of my mind I was too scared to finish the job. I couldn’t give birth naturally in a birthing tub, in my kitchen because it meant I actually had to complete something. I needed help. Like heavy drugs to soothe me, to make me relax, to actually fall asleep. I went to the hospital, a place I still don’t want to give birth in again. They helped me. I had sweet nurses who gave me more pillows and filled my water bottle. I knew that with a touch of button someone would be at my side. So the whole time I had to not be upset. I had to take everything in stride because I had my baby in my arms. And if I got frustrated at the nurses constantly coming in and asking me the same questions, at them grabbing my breasts without asking me anything to see if my milk was coming out, at my son being picked up all hours of the night to be weighed, I would have made it worse for myself and I would have been ungrateful. I still have to write about that. All of that. But I am afraid that it will make me cry.

On my bedside table there is a tube of Barq’s root beer lip balm. I don’t like that root beer but I like the taste on my lips. I put it on last night before getting into bed. Then I remembered. Luke 1:37. I went to the living room to the shelf where the pocket size New testament lived. I took it into bed. My husband perplexed. I have not read the Qur’an in weeks and here I was with the Bible. I opened it to Luke right away. There I read: “For with God nothing will be impossible.”

Sighs and smiles.

the end.

Home Birth Videos

I bring you two home birth videos. The first is a first time couple, birthing at home on their Oregon farm. It is a mini-documentary and one of the most modest home birth films I have seen, yet very real and moving. The second is from a documentary I have blogged about before, The Doula Film. It is a second time mom birthing at home in the UK. She is incredibly calm and composed throughout the birth, particularly whilst pushing. Enjoy.

I hope to post on Ramadan for pregnant and nursing moms in the next day or two. Ramadan begins here tomorrow so we are making goodies and preparing today. There is a sister conducting a study on whether or not fasting in Ramadan while nursing impacts baby weight gain, and/or milk supply. She is hoping to get more participants. If you are interested please email her at RamadanNursingStudy@gmail.com - until then enjoy the videos and Ramadan Kareem!!

Birthing With Reverence

img_2798 by eyeliam



I found the following passage, about birthing with reverence from midwife Carolina Wise, to be eloquent and thoughtful. She does a wonderful job of extrapolating our current state of our highly technological maternity care system to our understanding of the meaning of sacred in society. May we all be more reverent. Birth is a litmus test for a society's treatment of women and for it's application of the sacred. A rising 32.8% Cesarean rate (and rising) leaves much to be said for America's view of women.

Birthing with Reverence

Midwives can create a spirit of beauty at a birth or they can desecrate it. They can create a sacred space around a birthing woman that drives out fear and inspires the mother’s belief in herself, which ultimately determines the outcome of the birth. Midwives can be a channel of Grace in ways they never imagined and in doing so they create a spirit of reverence. Reverence in these days and times is not a common thing.

As a midwife there were times after births that I was overcome with awe, which is another term for reverence. It seemed appropriate for the sun to stand still in the sky, and the traffic to stop, and the whole universe to pause for a minute of awe in acknowledgement [sic] that something astonishing had just happened. It just seemed appropriate that all of creation should have taken notice. Perhaps, in the unseen world, it did.

Unfortunately in America there appears to be little reverence for much, especially not women or birth. This is not surprising given the history of the oppression of midwives, the rise of the medical model and the objectification of women’s bodies. The sacred has not just been drowned out at births but in our lives as a whole. In fact, reverence is not part of our public vocabulary at all. Yet, there are a few things that Americans do revere. Reverence for money comes to mind.

If you follow where the money goes it will reveal the short list of things that Americans do have reverence for. Large amounts of money are funneled into the pornography industry. Women are not revered in that industry. In fact, they are desecrated as an object of fantasy, not to be loved, cherished and honored, but simply to be used and discarded. Therefore, lust is revered, and as a result we have become a pornographic culture in which women are routinely desecrated.

Desecration involves an act in which a sacred thing is pillaged, or dishonored. The opposite of desecration is reverence. Reverence acknowledges and honors the sacred. Women and that which has to do with them, namely birth, are sacred. But they are not sacred at this place and this time. In fact, who among all the industrialized nations are reverent about women and what they do when they give birth?

Midwives have been given a sacred trust and a great honor to stand by as a witness to a miracle. Birth is not a small miracle. It is an extraordinary miracle. We are created for reverence and our work demands it. But when birth became a medical procedure our culture became so far removed from the beauty of it that it became commonplace and unimportant to the larger community. In the process of our irreverence we lost sight of our beauty as human beings.

— Caroline Wise
Excerpted from "Birthing with Reverence," Midwifery Today, Issue 82

Home Birth on the Rise

on Flickr - by christyscherrer

Using birth certificate data from around the United States during 1990-2006, the CDC has just released a report on Trends in Out of Hospital Birth. It is a promising report detailing the uptake in out of hospital births in 2005 and sustained in 2006. Here are a few interesting and encouraging findings:

• Home births were less likely than hospital births to be preterm, low birth weight, or multiple deliveries.
• An increase in out of hospital birth also took place in Canada in the years studied.
• Women who are non-Hispanic white, over 25, and married, were more likely to have an out of hospital birth.
• Women born outside of the US were less likely to have an out of hospital birth than those born in the US.
• In 2006 64.7% of the out of hospital birth were home births and 28% took place in freestanding birth centers.
• 61% of home births were delivered by midwives - 16% by Certified Nurse Midwives and 45% by other midwives (which would most likely be Certified Professional Midwives, although the report doesn't specifically state their titles)

I hope this upward trend in out of hospital birth continues. For healthy moms and babes, there is nothing more joyful and empowering than welcoming your baby into this world, in the comfort and serenity of one's own home. For more information on midwives in your area, check out the Midwives Alliance of North America website, where you can search for a qualified midwife in your area and learn more about the Certified Professional Midwife educational process. Happy birthing to you all!!

Fatimah Elaine

If you noticed that I haven't posted lately, look above for the best excuse ever! Welcome to my baby girl Fatimah Elaine, named after her two great grandmothers. Here are her stats:

• Gestated one full month longer than her big brother.
• First contraction to last push was two hours.
• Born in the water in our bedroom with one amazing midwife and her wonderful student..
• Birthed in four pushes.
• 14" head (!)
• 7'13"
• 21" long
• Loved and adored by many.

Thanks for all of your support. Posting will be light for awhile. If you are a midwifery client, I am taking clients with due dates of September and beyond. Thanks again. Keep us in your prayers and good thoughts!!!

Happy International Day of the Midwife!

Indeed, the world needs midwives now more than ever. Maternal mortality rates are a scourge in our time. In Afghanistan a woman dies each half hour of pregnancy, or childbirth related causes. Over 90% of these deaths occurs in developing countries, many of them Muslim. And in California, the maternal mortality rates have nearly tripled in the last decade! Midwives are oft touted as a large part of the solution when it comes to the crisis of maternal mortality. Take today as an opportunity to increase your understanding of midwifery and what midwives do. There is a fascinating and informative free online seminar taking place all day. There are some great sessions for expecting mothers about nutrition and yoga, as well as more academic sessions for midwives. And in an exciting step forward in terms of midwifery and home birth in the Gulf region, there was a recent article in The National opening up the conversation about home birth options there in UAE. Blessings to all the midwives who get up in the middle of the night, worry over their mums -to- be, and take great pride in continuing the tradition of women taking care of women.

From War to the Womb

This is an excerpt from a new film out about my favorite midwifery organization's efforts to bring Palestine and Israeli midwives together. It's unbelievable to think that a Palestinian woman has to wait 3-4 hours to reach her midwife because of checkpoints. I wonder why there are not more home births that happen there. I've blogged about these efforts before, but I think this clip is comprehensive in detailing the problems of the two countries midwives, how they are similar and how they differ.


COHI Coexistence Project
Uploaded by aldermanjessica. - Have a look at more lifestyle videos.


In other midwifery inspirations, I wanted to include this quote that was recently posted at the Citizens for Midwifery blog. I think it is a testament to the beauty of midwifery care, home birth, etc... Shouldn't we be striving for this beauty in our lives, even in birth?



While shopping [one] day, I noticed hand-dipped chocolates, homegrown vegetables, hand-spun wool, homemade preserves, cottage-industry soaps—all at premium prices, since they were made with care, individually, by hand, at home. I reflected, too, on how "old-fashioned" doctors, famous for house calls and compassion, are remembered fondly as part of the "good old days" and praised for their one-on-one caring. I mused how our society honors unique, special, one-of-a-kind items and services.

Yet when it comes to maternity care, it seems the bigger and busier, the better: high-tech procedures, standardized treatment, massive patient loads, in-and-out, assembly-line-style facilities. We are urged to leave the clean peace and quiet of home and go, instead, to a large, centralized center and entrust ourselves to a system of detached and often distracted institutional workers whom we've never met and may never see again. I find it hard to believe that anyone would consider hospital care preferable, if they really thought about it.

High-tech or hands-on? The choice is not new. In many cases, of course, mechanical and technological advances have been just that: improvements. Other advances, as we all know too well, have resulted in lasting harm.

— Judy Edmunds, excerpted from "A Grand Triumph," Midwifery Today Issue 37