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Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts

Friday, November 9, 2012

Lion Hearted

Photo Credit

"For every disease, there is a cure." 
Prophet Muhammad 

At four weeks postpartum, I was bending over cardboard boxes, deciding which books I would need for the next year, and which I could part with.  As I straightened up, I tightened the knot on the belly wrap designed to put my fragile insides back together.  To help me pare down my closet, I needed a dear friend, and the unwavering opinion of my fashion sensible midwife.  I guess plaid is out, who knew? The fragile moments of the first couple of weeks post -birth, already seemed like another lifetime's dream.  By the time my mother came to meet her newest grandchild, her only daughter was in need of some ibuprofen and a shoulder to cry on. Not to mention the help I needed washing the dingy curtains, and packing those aforementioned books. (Note to self: A Kindle is warranted until you buy a house!) It wasn't an option to take a back seat.  My husband accepted a once in a lifetime opportunity to study with a respected teacher and continue his academic studies.  One short month after meeting my son, it was LA or bust.  I was tending towards the latter. 

If this were a movie, I would roll the credits first, because without the support of family, friends, and community, none of this would have happened.  It was an outpouring of generosity like no other.  Each night I found freshly cooked food at my doorstep, or steaming from my table.  Clothes for the baby, and even my daughter arrived unbidden.  One talented and creative friend sewed bags filled with activities for the older ones, and baked the best sugar-free, grain-free snacks a gluten sensitive mama could hope for.  My son went to the zoo, and Fairy Land, with an ice cream stop to boot.  The last baby I delivered before I had mine, even made an appearance. And I would be remiss not to mention the presence of a fellow midwife, who truly midwifed me through one of the hardest days of my life.  She was born to do this work. God bless her.  It was awe inspiring and bittersweet, for soon I would be leaving this nest of community and warmth. But first, I'd have to put the Boppy aside, and pack up the entire house.

It's hard to follow your own advice, though I endeavored.  I rested in bed for two weeks, stayed warm, gave myself warm oil massages, ate the best darn food I could. Hell, I even gave myself moxa treatments.  But the looming move crept in and all of my best laid postpartum care plans shrank in response.  STRESS became  a real and unwelcome guest.  Oh, did I mention 'the shooting'?  There was one, in front of my house, at dinner time.  We had the luxury of leaving that night.  May God help and raise up those mothers who don't.  It seemed stress was everywhere I turned.
Evidence of my herbal medicine nesting!

There was however, one burst of nesting which became my postpartum savior.  In anticipation of the move,  my settled pregnant self dove into herbal medicine making.  It was a way to hedge myself against what I knew would become a harried postpartum. Sitz bath herbs, nursing teas,  arnica and St. John's Wort oils, valerian root, motherwort and echinacea tinctures were all brewed up and bottled before I delivered.  It was a gift to myself and a sure stroke of intuition, for I needed these herbs even more than I anticipated.


Credit

The move, turned out to be a minor blip in the scheme of things.  My husband and I had to be separated, all told for over a month. (The LA rental market turned out to be less than friendly to a family of 5!)  My little ones and I lived with the most generous brother and sister in law you could ever ask for, for one month.  It was an epic postpartum I tell you.  It was going to take more than some nursing tea to get me through. It was going to take the heart of a lion.

Luckily, I had the closest thing I could get, the plant called motherwort , leonurus cardiaca, Latin for lion hearted.  Brewing this tincture many moons ago, I had anticipated using it for the afterpains.  Motherwort, or mother's herb,  is an antispasmodic and a uterine tonic.  And for those first few days, I was taking it every half hour or so to quell the crushing afterpains.  However, motherwort is more than that, it is also a nervine and sedative and often used in the treatment of stress and nerve related disorders.

This is what the respected herbalist Susan Weed has to say about this herb:
Another of motherwort’s uses is to improve fertility and reduce anxiety associated with childbirth, postpartum depression, and menopause. If used in early labor it will ease labor pains and calms the nerves after childbirth. Take motherwort only once soon after giving birth as consistent use before the uterus has clamped down may cause bleeding to continue. Use one to two times a day in the weeks following birth for easing tension and supporting a woman through the feelings that come with new mothering.

One lonely morning,  as the two year old was melting down, the baby was crying, and my poor six year old looked just plain apathetic, I found the full bottle of motherwort tincture waving at me from my  bathroom bag.  I  took two full droppersful.  My shoulders instantly dropped from my ears.  A plan of action soon formed in my mind (calm the two year old first, always!), and the overwhelm seemed to diminish.  The courage to pluck on grew in this delicate new mama heart.  Throughout the next month, motherwort became my green friend.  I took it morning and night, and whenever the two year old decided to dig in her poopy diapers (yes, you read that correctly.  A habit she developed once moving into the pristine enclave of my in laws!) Motherwort, take me away!  Two droppersful and I could exhale again, feel the ground hold me up, and march on. 


It's been three months since then.  Ya Sin is four months old, just rolling over, and charming us all with his easy going grin. My 8 ounces of motherwort tincture is long gone.  There are many mornings or mid afternoons, where I could still use it to be sure, but I find myself brewing that nursing mother's tea now. "For every disease there is a cure", said the Prophet Muhammad.  While my postpartum was not a disease,  it was excessive and warranted a cure of its own.  I believe in medicine of all kinds.  Each tupperware filled box cooked for us was medicine.  Every phone call or text message to see how I was, was medicine.  For everyone who joined me on my couch and listened, I healed.  These were all cures for my state.  But motherwort certainly lived up to its name as a mother's herb.  It was the cure for this mother during a less than ideal postpartum. 

I once heard that the medicine you need, is always with you, you just have to be open to it.   That was certainly the case with me and motherwort.  May you always find the medicine you need, when you need it.  Thanks for your patience.  Want to know how I made these tinctures without alchohol?  Stay tuned, I have a post coming up!!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Feed Play Love - Free Teleconference




Feed, Play, Love, a free teleconference on parenting touching on the feeding, playing, and loving of children. I have just listened to Kim John Payne's lecture. His advice includes that when in difficulty, or feeling overwhelmed with our children, we should think back to the pregnant pause, the third trimester and the still, slow first few weeks of their birth to conjure once again, all of the dreams and possibilities we imagined for our family. Birth is the beginning of parenting. There are other great lectures from Sharifa Oppenheimer on the Essential Necessity of Play, and Dr Heather Manley, a naturopath, who outlines an Imaginative Adventure Through the Immune System - a way to talk to children about health. Enjoy!!

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Simplicity Parenting




Recently, we took a trip to visit all sorts of grandparents - grandmothers, step grandfathers, and even a few 'greats'. We hadn't been back for quite some time, and so let's just say, the grandparents made up for lost time. The closets looked like children's clothing stores, every day was a new toy, every sugary treat wish fulfilled, and macaroni and cheese whenever it was desired. Needless to say, we filled a large SUV with, well, stuff. It was touching, but also stressful transferring and keeping track of it all. Not to mention the constant whines and request for 'more', I constantly found myself longing for less.



Ironically, I had picked up this book, "Simplicity Parenting" by Kim John Payne right before we left. His book details ways to reduce the over stimulation our culture provides for children. Each day we were living out his theories about what happens to children when there are too many toys, clothes, or even, food choices. They become stressed and depleted. The constant stimulation renders them bored and restless, always on the lookout for the next stimulation. The ensuing almost daily meltdowns on the trip took shape and meaning while reading Payne's book.


We started the trip in Minneapolis and drove the four (or five, who's counting?) days back to California, or in other words, we started in snow, and yes, we ended in snow. Lake Tahoe had just settled into a two foot snowfall when we drove through. Who can resist the gleaming powder and balmy air of a California snow, not us. We didn't have the slides we had in Minnesota, but we had our hands and we rolled out some nice snowballs and snowmen. And what was the most memorable part of the trip, (besides the lovely grandparents), not the myriad toys and their bells and whistles, but from midland to the coast, it was, the snow.





I am grateful for the gifts, but after reading this, I think that next time I might offer suggestions for gifts before arriving, including ones with less batteries, and fewer buttons. Payne's suggestions regarding toys is priceless. He also really stresses a routine and rhythm as an antidote for our hectic world. A daily dinner time, eaten together as a family, a bedtime routine, and one quarter of the toys you already possess (yes, not just half, half of that). Suggestions like candlelight at bedtime, sharing favorite things from the day at the dinner table, and all in all, simplifying the schedules of the children make so much sense and he makes them doable. It's like attachment parenting for the older child. I've included some of my favorite quotes from the book below. Enjoy!



"A protected childhood allows for the slow development of identity, well being, and resiliency."



"Behavioral tendencies can be soothed or relaxed by creating calm." (In addressing ADD and other behavioral disturbances)



"When your child seems to deserve affection least, that's when they need it most" (I now tell myself this at least once a day;)



"Committing to rhythm builds trust and relational credits: a connection that is "bankable"


"Rhythms are like a place set for you at the table. An unquestioned invitation to participate, connect and belong"