Lion Hearted

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"For every disease, there is a cure." 
Prophet Muhammad 

At four weeks postpartum, I was bending over cardboard boxes, deciding which books I would need for the next year, and which I could part with.  As I straightened up, I tightened the knot on the belly wrap designed to put my fragile insides back together.  To help me pare down my closet, I needed a dear friend, and the unwavering opinion of my fashion sensible midwife.  I guess plaid is out, who knew? The fragile moments of the first couple of weeks post -birth, already seemed like another lifetime's dream.  By the time my mother came to meet her newest grandchild, her only daughter was in need of some ibuprofen and a shoulder to cry on. Not to mention the help I needed washing the dingy curtains, and packing those aforementioned books. (Note to self: A Kindle is warranted until you buy a house!) It wasn't an option to take a back seat.  My husband accepted a once in a lifetime opportunity to study with a respected teacher and continue his academic studies.  One short month after meeting my son, it was LA or bust.  I was tending towards the latter. 

If this were a movie, I would roll the credits first, because without the support of family, friends, and community, none of this would have happened.  It was an outpouring of generosity like no other.  Each night I found freshly cooked food at my doorstep, or steaming from my table.  Clothes for the baby, and even my daughter arrived unbidden.  One talented and creative friend sewed bags filled with activities for the older ones, and baked the best sugar-free, grain-free snacks a gluten sensitive mama could hope for.  My son went to the zoo, and Fairy Land, with an ice cream stop to boot.  The last baby I delivered before I had mine, even made an appearance. And I would be remiss not to mention the presence of a fellow midwife, who truly midwifed me through one of the hardest days of my life.  She was born to do this work. God bless her.  It was awe inspiring and bittersweet, for soon I would be leaving this nest of community and warmth. But first, I'd have to put the Boppy aside, and pack up the entire house.

It's hard to follow your own advice, though I endeavored.  I rested in bed for two weeks, stayed warm, gave myself warm oil massages, ate the best darn food I could. Hell, I even gave myself moxa treatments.  But the looming move crept in and all of my best laid postpartum care plans shrank in response.  STRESS became  a real and unwelcome guest.  Oh, did I mention 'the shooting'?  There was one, in front of my house, at dinner time.  We had the luxury of leaving that night.  May God help and raise up those mothers who don't.  It seemed stress was everywhere I turned.

Evidence of my herbal medicine nesting!

There was however, one burst of nesting which became my postpartum savior.  In anticipation of the move,  my settled pregnant self dove into herbal medicine making.  It was a way to hedge myself against what I knew would become a harried postpartum. Sitz bath herbs, nursing teas,  arnica and St. John's Wort oils, valerian root, motherwort and echinacea tinctures were all brewed up and bottled before I delivered.  It was a gift to myself and a sure stroke of intuition, for I needed these herbs even more than I anticipated.

Credit

The move, turned out to be a minor blip in the scheme of things.  My husband and I had to be separated, all told for over a month. (The LA rental market turned out to be less than friendly to a family of 5!)  My little ones and I lived with the most generous brother and sister in law you could ever ask for, for one month.  It was an epic postpartum I tell you.  It was going to take more than some nursing tea to get me through. It was going to take the heart of a lion.

Luckily, I had the closest thing I could get, the plant called motherwort , leonurus cardiaca, Latin for lion hearted.  Brewing this tincture many moons ago, I had anticipated using it for the afterpains.  Motherwort, or mother's herb,  is an antispasmodic and a uterine tonic.  And for those first few days, I was taking it every half hour or so to quell the crushing afterpains.  However, motherwort is more than that, it is also a nervine and sedative and often used in the treatment of stress and nerve related disorders.

This is what the respected herbalist Susan Weed has to say about this herb:

Another of motherwort’s uses is to improve fertility and reduce anxiety associated with childbirth, postpartum depression, and menopause. If used in early labor it will ease labor pains and calms the nerves after childbirth. Take motherwort only once soon after giving birth as consistent use before the uterus has clamped down may cause bleeding to continue. Use one to two times a day in the weeks following birth for easing tension and supporting a woman through the feelings that come with new mothering.

One lonely morning,  as the two year old was melting down, the baby was crying, and my poor six year old looked just plain apathetic, I found the full bottle of motherwort tincture waving at me from my  bathroom bag.  I  took two full droppersful.  My shoulders instantly dropped from my ears.  A plan of action soon formed in my mind (calm the two year old first, always!), and the overwhelm seemed to diminish.  The courage to pluck on grew in this delicate new mama heart.  Throughout the next month, motherwort became my green friend.  I took it morning and night, and whenever the two year old decided to dig in her poopy diapers (yes, you read that correctly.  A habit she developed once moving into the pristine enclave of my in laws!) Motherwort, take me away!  Two droppersful and I could exhale again, feel the ground hold me up, and march on. 


It's been three months since then.  Ya Sin is four months old, just rolling over, and charming us all with his easy going grin. My 8 ounces of motherwort tincture is long gone.  There are many mornings or mid afternoons, where I could still use it to be sure, but I find myself brewing that nursing mother's tea now. "For every disease there is a cure", said the Prophet Muhammad.  While my postpartum was not a disease,  it was excessive and warranted a cure of its own.  I believe in medicine of all kinds.  Each tupperware filled box cooked for us was medicine.  Every phone call or text message to see how I was, was medicine.  For everyone who joined me on my couch and listened, I healed.  These were all cures for my state.  But motherwort certainly lived up to its name as a mother's herb.  It was the cure for this mother during a less than ideal postpartum. 

I once heard that the medicine you need, is always with you, you just have to be open to it.   That was certainly the case with me and motherwort.  May you always find the medicine you need, when you need it.  Thanks for your patience.  Want to know how I made these tinctures without alchohol?  Stay tuned, I have a post coming up!!

Wendell Berry on Birthing Lambs!

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 “When you are new at sheep-raising and your ewe has a lamb, your impulse is to stay there and help it nurse and see to it and all. After a while you know that the best thing you can do is walk out of the barn.” -Wendell Berry as quoted in a recent NYT article.

This quote couldn't describe midwifery more elegantly.  Most of the time the hardest part of our job really is to just "walk out of the barn".  Birth works, babies are born, mamas give birth, just like the moon rises at night and stars set in the morning.  The intense, powerful energies at birth are often contagious and we just want to jump in and soak it up, but it is not meant for us.  Center stage is for the family, we must quietly exit stage left. Unless of course we are needed, but mostly, we can take five, and mother and baby are more than fine.  I love this post at Progressive Parenting about three things we need to stop doing to newborns. Here's a clue, stop Hatting, stop Patting, and stop Chatting! I mean look at that sheep mama above, does she need any help raising her adorable lamb?  It looks like she's got it under control to me!

Self Care for Midwives, Doulas, and other Birth Attendants

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I often feel as if I go through a mini postpartum after I attend a birth.   The first couple of days I'm on that natural birth high.  The mom's pheromones are known to affect the dad, turning him into a softer, more sensitive partner, but why not the other people attending her labor?  I find myself generally a more gentle and appreciative mother and wife in the first few days after a birth, not to mention weepy!  And then, either the sleep deprivation sets in, or my hormones come back to their senses, and I can turn into a cranky, overtired woman, almost postpartum myself!

This past year though, I have found a few things that help me reset my clock and nurture myself post-birth. After all midwives, doulas, and anyone else attending a labor and birth, give their all.  It is almost impossible to be with a woman in birth, and be only half present.  We are so giving, that at times we lose sight of our own comfort and needs. I  have found the following things to be simple, yet effective in helping me care for myself so that I can keep on caring for others.


1.  YOGA 

Sometimes I forget to breathe at a birth, or feel my feet on the ground.   I do find most births grounding in nature, but at times we midwives hold our breaths,  and then forget to exhale.  We often get into funky positions and stay there for a long time.  It is usually late at night by the time we get around to suturing, and we find ourselves tired, and in a hunched over position for another hour or so.  Let's face it, this is when stir ups would be useful!  And then of course, we have to gaze and adore the bundle of cuteness curled up next to its mother, that's the best payment!  All of these positions entail a hunched over posture.

I have found restorative chest openers an antidote to this predicament.  Supta bada konasana, or reclined angle pose is my absolute go to after I get home, even if it's 4 am. Take a bolster, sit at it's edge, and place the soles of your feet together in bada konasana.  Lean back over the bolster so that your chest is forced open.  Feel the breath move all the way up into your collarbones.  Feel them smile at you! 

The photo above is also a great pose to open your chest, and relieve tight shoulders. It can easily be done after that tough suturing job! I also like to just do savasana on the floor for a few breaths. Feeling myself on the floor helps me to slow down and reenter my body, and come back to the present.  What a gift yoga is! 

2.  ARNICA

It turns out that arnica is not only useful for mothers after childbirth, but for midwives too!  Arnica, a homeopathic remedy, is great for easing soreness and exhaustion in birth attendants.  It is also useful for jet lag, something we could use to describe the feelings after a night or two sans sleep.  I put it in my water bottle at the birth, and take it for a day or two, refilling it when I refill my water.  It has really helped me to reset my clock and to feel not so achy the next day.  It will often give me a second wind if I need to stay up for the day, this is why it's used for jet lag.  I have found this aspect of arnice helps immensely as well.  Naturally, I am a night owl (didn't I pick the right profession?!), so if I let myself, one birth could through me into months of late nights, but since I am not in college any longer, this lifestyle is not conducive to my life now. Arnica helps me stay away from this pitfall and maintain somewhat normal hours...for a midwife!

3.  RESCUE REMEDY

Birth is beautiful, amazing, a miracle, and any other superlative you want to attach to it. It is all of those things and more.  I am grateful beyond words for the opportunity to witness this act of creation.  But, I am also a midwife, and do believe part of my role as a midwife, is to guard the parameters of safety for mother and babe. This is a huge responsibility.  At times I  find it can make me tense and over vigilant.     That's when I reach for my Rescue Remedy,  a flower essence known to calm panic, relieve stress, and be useful in emergency situations.  Rescue Remedy, sometimes called Five Flower Essence is very calming and gentle.


I hope these tips are useful to you midwives, doulas, dads, sisters, friends, or anyone who is blessed to attend a birth.  If you have anything you do after births to help your recovery, please share.  All too often we neglect our own health  in order to serve others, but this won't take us very far. May we all take care of ourselves so that we can keep on helping the mothers and babies of the earth!

Six is It - The Birth

Someone just sent me this webisode of a family of six, having a home birth with their '6th'! I really love how real it all is. The mother does a great job of expressing why even though this was her most difficult birth, it actually has sustained her in times of difficulty when mothering six! It's also so nice to see families outside of the dominant culture birth theirs at home. Enjoy!

Six is It- Episode 6 (The Birth) from Sixisit Episodes on Vimeo.

Preparing for Birth: A Discussion with an OB and a Midwife

Saturday May 14, 2011, the MCA in Santa Clara is hosting its annual Women's Conference. Along with the lovely and talented Dr Sarah Azad, I will be discussing ways to prepare for birth. Sure to be an informative and lively discussion, we will present our unique perspectives on preparing for birth, and then take questions from the audience. If you live in the Bay Area, please come out and show your love!! Our talk begins at 3:15.

Birthrights

Birthrights is a wonderful new series premiering on Al-Jazeera English. It is a "series exploring maternal health and the power, politics and poverty that impacts it around the world.". The following three episodes are some of their first. The first one is about Hungarian OB turned home birth midwife, Agnes Gereb, and her imprisonment for attending home births in Hungary, a country where it is legal to choose your place of birth, but illegal to attend birth at home if you are a licensed practitioner! The second episode follows the lives of women who have undergone obstetric fistula repair surgery in Ethiopia. Obstetric fistulas are holes that develop, usually due to the prolonged pressure of a baby's head, between the rectum or vagina, leaving women incontinent of either urine or feces, rendering them also socially isolated. These injuries come about largely due to unskilled birth attendants, and a lack of resources. The third episode here follows a group of midwives traversing Ethiopia hoping to change that by either creating birth centers, or training traditional birth attendants, who have no training. Great series, I can't wait to watch more. Enjoy!!

inductions

The other day I realized that I now mark time in terms of babies born. July 2008 brought Maryam, Omar, Julian, and Sofia. If I want to think back to say November 2009, I think of Asiya, Malachi, and Caroline. Living in a season-less California, births mark times and seasons more concretely than weather can. It would be a lie to say that they always arrived at the most convenient times, when my cold was gone, on the weekends when babysitting is free, or at a civilized hour. No. Babies come when they are meant to come. As much as I would like, I have no control over when that hour descends. Even now as I write this, a sunny weekend approaching, I am hesitant to make plans as I am waiting on a baby.

If I were another type of practitioner, maybe I would consider inducing this client. It would be nice to have it out of the way, with a free weekend sprawling before me. If so, I wouldn't be so off the mark. In 2007, a large study of 18,000 deliveries found that 9.6% were early births ('early' was not defined in this study), and the reasons for them being early were non-medical, i.e. practitioner or patient convenience. Indeed according to the Center for Disease Control sources, the average length of pregnancy has fallen by seven days since 1992!

No one really knows what kicks off labor. What I understand is that their is a complex interplay of mother and baby hormones that each tell the other that the time is near. Mom's cervix softens, telling baby's lungs to mature. Baby's lungs mature and mom's uterus develops more receptors for oxytocin, the hormone that makes the uterus contract among other things. Like all other bodily processes, it is hard to isolate it from the whole, and interference often shows up in other ways later.

This thought provoking look at early elective births by California Watch looks at the reasons why inducing early for non medical reasons is now thought to be contributing to poor maternal and infant mortality rates in America. There is a reason babies play a major role in deciding when they are born. A 2009 New England Journal of Medicine study found that elective cesarean sections resulted in respiratory and other adverse outcomes for neonates. The brain, eyes, and nervous systems all are formed in the third trimester. According to California Watch babies born early through C-section and/or induction are nearly twice as likely to spend time in the neo-natal intensive care unit.

How can women prevent this scenario? Show any of the above information to your doctor. Like an old college friend of mine threatened with induction at 41 weeks asked, "How can I go nine months with perfectly health pregnancy, and NOW all of a sudden I'm high risk?!" Good question. She answered it by delivering at 41 and a half weeks, a perfectly healthy baby girl, au natural. Here are some tips for preventing post-dates.

• Drink lots of red raspberry leaf tea throughout the pregnancy. I can't say enough on this wonderful uterine tonic. It provides all of the minerals a healthy uterus needs to do it's job.

• Walk, especially hills. I'm not sure what it is about hills, but many women claim that this helps them deliver a baby. Being fit, a side effect, may be what helps to prevent post dates.

• Have sex. Yes, as the old adage goes, what gets the baby in gets the baby out. Semen contains prostaglandins which help soften the cervix. An orgasm cannot occur without oxytocin, once again, the hormone which causes contractions.
  

• Visualization can help relax you and allow your mind to turn off. Sit in a quiet, undisturbed place and visualize a head down baby, distending the cervix and rotating down and out of the pelvis.

• I haven't seen research on this, more of a hunch, but I think that adequate healthy fat intake in the third trimester can cook a baby just right! We know that healthy fats are needed for baby's brain development and that the most brain development happens in the waning weeks of the third trimester. It would seem to me that if baby is getting what he needs in terms of development, there will be no need to leave early, or hang on too late in order to soak up the nutrients. Eat lots of eggs, fish, meat. Supplementation of fish oil will do in a pinch, but best to get it straight from the source.
  

Sometimes inductions are unavoidable, even necessary. I suggest these final things only as a means to naturally induce labor when an induction is unavoidable. Use with wisdom.

• A homeopathic induction of Cimicifuga and Caulophyllum is a gentle way to start labor. Take one remedy every half hour for three hours, alternating the remedy each half hour. Do this every morning until labor commences. The strength should be 200C

• Herbal inductions can be used as well. Black and blue cohosh along with cottonroot are a potent mix of uterine stimulating herbs. A half dropper of each every hour for three hours. I have heard some herbalists comment that this isn't enough because our bodies metabolize herbs quickly. Consult with a person who knows if my recommendation isn't enough.

• Acupressure points that you can squeeze yourself are also effective. The two I like are located in the webbing between your thumb and index finger and the other four finger widths above the inside of your ankle bone.
  

• And finally, there is the dreaded castor oil. This is a last ditch resort. Castor oil makes for a messy birth. In fact, that the whole reason it works, it irritates your bowels, thereby irritating your uterus, or so the theory goes. I have seen it work many times. A castor oil milkshake is one way to tolerate it. 2oz of castor oil, some ice cream, and some juice. Drink it up!

As the Bible says (I'm paraphrasing), to everything there is a season, this includes babies. I rather like that my years and seasons are marked by a soul's entrance and not by my vacations or plans. Inductions can have long lasting effects on mother and baby. It's best to wait for the dance of hormones to begin. Just like we can't force the long days of summer, or rush the chill or winter, neither should we unduly force a baby's birth. To everything there is a season. I can't think of a better reason to put off my plans than a birth, so for this weekend, I'll stick around here and maybe next year I'll think back to February 2011 and remember the particular way the sun fell as a baby, for now nameless, was born.

Fear Causes Tears

Fear causes tears, perineal tears that is. This is the conclusion of a new study out of Sweden. The study looked at perineal tearing in home birth settings. What they found was that midwives prevent tears long before the birth actually occurs. They do this through a number of means, but the overriding theme, strong communication between the mother and midwife. Then when the pushing phase is underway, they have an already established relationship and a trust. If pushing needs to be slowed down, if the midwife needs to tell the mother to blow through a few contractions to ease the head out, it's fine because the mother and her midwife have a bond which they both can rely on in this intense moment. The mother can then relax, her pelvic floor muscles can relax too, she can push without fear into the trusted hands of her midwife.

The other areas which the study found important in preventing vaginal tears amongst a home birth population were:


1. Preparing for the birth

2. Going along with the physiological process

3. Creating sense of security

4. The critical moment

5. Midwifery skills


Another great reason to consider midwifery care. Your bottom will thank you!!

Another Homebirth Video

The Homebirth of Lucia Mae from Sara Janssen on Vimeo.

This video has some darling , colorful pictures. I love the portrayal of the daughter's role in her sister's birth. It is also a testimony to the family's affection for their midwife, she's like a part of the family! To read more on the lasting impression a midwife makes through a woman's lifetime (i.e. beyond the childbearing years), check this out, Midwifery Care: Reflections of Midwifery Clients. Be sure to download the full text.

Right Side Up - Breech Babies

The women in the above photo are trying to right a baby. This directionally challenged baby is coming bottom first. The method they are using to try to turn the baby, hard to decipher in this photo, is called moxibustion. Moxa, or mugwort, is heated and, like acupuncture, used over certain pressure points to induce heat to the region, and thereby blood flow. It works incredibly well for turning babies upside down, exactly where they need to be in order to be born.

Four percent of all babies present breech at term, or 37 weeks of gestation and beyond. How do you imagine that those four percent are born? Does the doctor or midwife, pull them out by their feet? What is the danger of a breech birth? Why do we never hear of babies born breech anymore?

A recent study in Tel Aviv has challenged the wisdom of late that breech babies should be born via Cesarean section. In the 'old days' the skills to deliver a baby coming breech, feet or butt first, were taught in medical school. After 2000, this was no longer the case. The Term Breech Study, the largest of its kind on breech births, found that breech babies delivered vaginally had a 1% increase of death in the first six weeks of life. The study also found that for mothers there were more benefits to a vaginal birth. From then on, the only doctors to attempt breeches were the old school doctors who had learned from experience that babies born breech, stubbornly do just as well as their head first counterparts. There were many issues with the 2000 Term Breech Study including research bias, and the fact that it's near impossible to randomize such a study.

The Tel Aviv study is urging medical schools to reintroduce the skills of delivering breech babies. Their research shows that there is no increase risk to a baby born breech vaginally and that mothers do better with morbidity and mortality when delivered vaginally. Professor Glezerman, a researcher on the trial, states that a C-section is no minor event in a woman's reproductive life, that it impacts future pregnancies, uterine health, and subsequent labors.
Although, not mentioned in the study, increasingly the research is pointing towards health effects of babies born by C-section as well. In one of the more recent findings, babies born by Cesarean section are at a higher risk of developing celiac disease. Another reason to avoid unnecessary surgery, who would want to assign anyone to a diet that prohibits bread, pasta, cookies!! Poor baby.

So how do you reconcile the lack of skill of the current docs with a pending breech birth? Look at the photo above for some inspiration - you make all efforts to turn the baby before delivery. Here are some tips to get you started:

• Acupuncture/moxibustion is a powerful tool for breech babies. Do the moxa each day while squatting and making figure eights with your hips. I'm not kidding! One time I had an acupuncturist for a client, with a persistent breech presentation. She tried everything under the sun, before turning to her chosen profession, to turn her little girl. Two nights of these contortions and the babe turned!

• Pulsatilla 200C one time. My little girl was breech until about 35 weeks. I never resorted to this, but I was ready to. It was suggested to make it a one time event, and to do it consciously. Light some candles, pour some tea, put your hips up, and take the pulsatilla. Engage with your baby, visualize his little head snuggled tight in your pelvis. This can be a really powerful way to turn a baby.

• The breech tilt. This is an old recommendation, but really useful. The idea is to elevate your hips higher than your pelvis, to disengage the baby so that when you stand up, the baby will realign itself the proper way. You can do this by laying an ironing board angled against a coach and laying down, with your feet up and head on the floor. Or you can make a stack of pillows and put your hips atop the pillows. Do these for at least 15 minutes twice a day. Talk with your baby and shine a flashlight starting at the top and moving to the pelvis, "For now and always baby, follow the light."

• Webster's Technique is a chiropractic technique that is often employed to help turn breech babies. It's not really 'turning' the baby, it's addressing tightness and torsion, among other issues in the mother's pelvis. Let's be fair after all, there are two players at work here, it's not just the baby choosing to be breech. Fibroids, cysts, and other issues in the mother's pelvic can force the baby into a breech position. Webster's technique can address some of these problems.

• One of the interesting theories about why babies are breech is not a physical reason. There is a theory that babies who are breech do so out of a need to get their mother's attention. It's as if they are saying, "Hello, remember me, I need you to pay attention." It could be this lack of attention that is causing them to swim close to mama's heart, a gentle pull on it's strings, those tiny fingers dialing your number before you've even heard them cry. It's a sweet thought and one I found bore a lot of fruit for women who were breech beyond 35 weeks. It tended to happen to women who worked, worked, worked right up until the end, women undergoing a lot of stress, and women who maybe had some hesitancy about becoming a mother. Overall tension also produces lots of tension in the pelvic region, which can be a culprit in breech presentation. If you are breech these themes are worth exploring through journaling, art, conversation, etc...

• If none of that works, there is always frozen peas. Put a pack of frozen veggies on your babies bum. They won't much like it and will soon get the picture that that's not where they should be hanging out and will head to, uh, warmer regions!

The most important thing with breech delivery is the skill and experience of the practitioner. If none of the above work, seek out someone experienced with breech births. These tend to be the older male obstetricians and older midwives. Trust your instincts, as always. And encourage medical schools to teach the skills of delivering babies who for some reason, want to land in this world, feet first.

What Luke Said

Home births don't always happen at home. On average around 10% of attempted home births end in the hospital. This is the story of one such birth and the feelings and raw emotion such a transfer can evoke. This acute disappointment and sense of failure is the domain of women who attempt natural birth and don't end up with one. They are the brave ones, the ones who risk, struggle, go out on a limb, and after their labor, in this case two days of it, end up in the place they had hoped to avoid. Unlike women who intend a hospital birth and well, end up with one, women who attempt a home birth and then end up in the hospital have the extra burden of processing what went 'wrong'. Another curve on the long road of motherhood.



Maceo was my client. She is an example of the intelligent and thoughtful women who choose out of hospital birth. A talented writer and warm presence, she brought joy to her pregnancy and was one of the rare women who enjoyed the pregnancy more and more as her belly swelled, all the way up to and past her due date! She will always have a special place in my heart as after my own baby was born, in her fifth month of pregnancy, she brought me delicious Cuban food and her cheery presence. We measured her belly on my couch with my two week old sleeping nearby. During her first night of contractions, I slid my sleeping daughter into the car, and drove the mile to Maceo's house, my daughter never waking the entire night. This type of shared motherhood is the glue of friendship and community. Thank you Maceo!



So without further ado, here is a re-posting from Maceo's own blog, Dripping River Water, which of course, you all must go subscribe to right now, as I'm sure there is much forthcoming mama wisdom from this source! And welcome to the sweetest Omar!

There is a table in the lobby. It is long and wooden positioned right below a big mirror. There people leave things they no longer want: old fax machines, magazines, sneakers, books. I am the resident manager and this leaving of things annoys me only when no one takes it. I am left to throw away these items. Things that could have easily been given as a donation, somewhere else, not in the lobby of my building. There was a pocket sized New Testament once. I picked it up. This is a book I couldn’t throw out, I couldn’t leave it on the sidewalk, I couldn’t give it to a random person. I had to keep it and for a year it lived between my Moroccan Arabic Phrasebook and El diccionario de sinonimos y antonimos bought in Venezuela when I was there in 1996.

My son is now 5 weeks old. He has lived his days between arms of those who love him. I have only been away from him minutes at a time, missing him and calling my mami to see how he is doing. Yesterday I went for a walk with my friend. I left my mami with 5 ozs of my milk. I gave her instructions and hoped that it wouldn’t be too hard for either of them. The sun was out. Its rays hit my toes. There was a chill in shady areas. I was afraid to catch a cold. I thought of myself confined in my bedroom pumping milk, sweating and sick, not able to see my son.

We went to Arizmendi. I was treated to pizza and a root beer sitting outside. I watched the beautiful people of Oakland pass by. I saw the mamas pushing the strollers or carrying their babies on their backs. I saw the dogs. The endless amount of dogs take over the sidewalk. I wondered if my skin would darken sitting outside of Arizmendi. I have been home for weeks looking out the living room windows at the trees and the birds. The root beer was good. It became my new favorite. There on the table was the cap. It had writing. In the inside it read, Luke 1:37. I thought the root beer bottling was more hipster than religious. Or maybe it was both.

For the past five weeks I have only written in my head. I write books and plays while I nurse my son in his sleep. I wish that the words would leave my mind and walk unto the page. Any page. Somewhere else. But the words don’t. They are locked away and I wonder if I will be able to write. Then I read stories of writers who have shared similar nights. Perhaps not nursing their sons but still in bed writing words on the walls with their pupils.

For the past five weeks I have begun learning what it is to be a mother. I have learned what it is to remain still, to be totally dependent. There is a scar above my bikini line. It is black and sometimes it is sore. All throughout my pregnancy I was pleased not to have any stretch marks. Instead I got a scar where they pulled my baby out. That scar reminds me of my imperfections and my failures.

I wonder sometimes why I couldn’t give birth at home. Sometimes I have a hard time completing things. The end is always so hard. I go through my over fifty hours of labor at home and four days in the hospital. I try to figure out what exactly went wrong. I know everything is God’s will but somehow I feel at a loss. I wonder if somewhere in back of my mind I was too scared to finish the job. I couldn’t give birth naturally in a birthing tub, in my kitchen because it meant I actually had to complete something. I needed help. Like heavy drugs to soothe me, to make me relax, to actually fall asleep. I went to the hospital, a place I still don’t want to give birth in again. They helped me. I had sweet nurses who gave me more pillows and filled my water bottle. I knew that with a touch of button someone would be at my side. So the whole time I had to not be upset. I had to take everything in stride because I had my baby in my arms. And if I got frustrated at the nurses constantly coming in and asking me the same questions, at them grabbing my breasts without asking me anything to see if my milk was coming out, at my son being picked up all hours of the night to be weighed, I would have made it worse for myself and I would have been ungrateful. I still have to write about that. All of that. But I am afraid that it will make me cry.

On my bedside table there is a tube of Barq’s root beer lip balm. I don’t like that root beer but I like the taste on my lips. I put it on last night before getting into bed. Then I remembered. Luke 1:37. I went to the living room to the shelf where the pocket size New testament lived. I took it into bed. My husband perplexed. I have not read the Qur’an in weeks and here I was with the Bible. I opened it to Luke right away. There I read: “For with God nothing will be impossible.”

Sighs and smiles.

the end.

Labor Popsicles and Lactation Cookies

Eid Mubarak! Maybe because the past few days have been all about food, I've decided to bring you a food post, replete with recipes! Let's start with the labor pops. This is a simple way to stay both hydrated, and nourished throughout labor. Many women experience nausea with contractions, and these labor pops are a great way to head that off. The coolness is also refreshing and easy to take in.

You'll need:

1-2 oz of dried red raspberry leaf
1 quart of water
Quart size jar with lid
Honey and lemon to taste
2-3 1mg calcium tablets
ice tray

To make the labor pops, steep 1-2 ounces of red raspberry leaf in a quart of water for at least 20 minutes up to four hours. Strain and sweeten with lots of honey and lemon, these will add much needed calories and lemon can help ease the nausea (as well as the red raspberry leaf). Crush the calcium tablets and add to the tea. Calcium is a muscle relaxant and can help with some aches and pains during labor. Pour the mixture into the ice tray. When labor commences, eat throughout the labor. They really are easy to eat when nothing else sounds to good!


Lactation cookies purportedly can increase and/or maintain milk supply. I find them more of an excuse to eat cookies, but, oh what a great excuse! They are also nice to just have around to snack on, or take with you while on the go; an easy way to up your calorie intake while nursing. And they happen to taste really, really good. Here is a recipe that I like and that makes enough to feed everyone in your house. Just don't tell them they are 'lactation cookies'!

• 1 cup butter
• 1 cup sugar
• 1 cup firmly packed brown sugar
• 4 tablespoons water
• 2 tablespoons flax seed meal
• 2 eggs
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 2 cups flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 3 cups oats
• 1 cup chocolate chips
• 2 -4 tablespoons brewer's yeast

1. Preheat oven to 350°.
2. Mix the flaxseed meal and water and let sit for 3-5 minutes.
3. Beat butter, sugar, and brown sugar well.
4. Add eggs and mix well.
5. Add flaxseed mix and vanilla, beat well.
6. Sift together flour, brewers yeast, baking soda, and salt.
7. Add dry ingredients to butter mix.
8. Stir in oats and chips.
9. Scoop onto baking sheet.
10. Bake for 12 minutes.
11. Let set for a couple minutes then remove from tray.

I hope you enjoy these recipes as much as I have! Finally, here's a beautifully portrayed home birth of one Leo Hart. Scroll down to see the video, it's well worth it. Have a great weekend!
















photo: watermelon and cucumber popsicles by rakka and cookies by ilmungo

The Womb and Mercy

Some of my Ramadan reading has entailed the above, The Tao of Islam by Sachiko Murata. It is only through the materially deprived yet,spiritual uplifting state of fasting, that I can even hope to make sense of most of this book. She uses the Taoist formulation of yin and yang as a lens to look at Islam's theology around gender relations. It's fascinating. She has a most amazing chapter entitled, "The Womb." One of Allah's 99 names, ar-Rahman, or the Most Merciful one is closely related to the word for 'womb' in Arabic. There is so much depth and reflection on that alone, but for one more qualified than I! I wish to leave you with a few quotes relating ,of course to pregnancy, birth and mothers, all of which can be a wide opening into understanding the nature of the One who created.




There are four main sayings by the Prophet Muhammad, called hadith in Arabic, regarding the womb, which Murata uses towards the end of the chapter to exemplify the relationship between the nature of women, and Allah's Mercy. One of these that I particularly like is:

"God said, 'I am God and I am the All-merciful. I created the womb and gave it a name derived from My own name. Hence, if someone cuts off the womb, I will cut him off, but if someone joins the womb, I will join him to Me'"

The following passage on the station of mothers, was aid by Ali ibn al-Husayn, the grandson of the Prophet Muhammad.

"The right of your mother is that you know that she carried you where no one carries anyone, she gave to you of the fruit of her heart that which no one gives to anyone, and she protected you with all of her organs. She did not care if she went hungry as along as you ate, if she was thirsty as long as you drank, if she was naked as long as you were clothed, if she was in the sun as long as you were in the shade. She gave up sleep for your sake, she protected you from heat and cold, in order that you might belong to her. You will not be able to show her gratitude, unless through God's help and giving success." (pg 213)

In reflecting on gestation and birth and how it relates to the grave and death, and the life after this, Sachiko Murata writes:

"Human beings develop in the womb in a manner that parallels the order followed by God in creating the macrocosm. In the womb the infant grows to completion and reaches deliverance by dying to the womb in order to be born into the world. In the world the human being grows to spiritual perfection and reaches deliverance through death to this world and birth into the next."

In keeping in this vein of reflecting on birth in this life with birth in the next, Murata quotes a Rumi poem. Here, he is comparing pregnancy and birth to a death, and encouraging us to live by the quote of Ali to "Die before you die", this of course, referring to the death of the ego. Like labor, this is an incredible challenge on all levels.

"Although the mother suffers the pain of childbirth, the embryo breaks out of prison.

The woman weeps at the birth: "Where is the refuge?" The child laughs: "Deliverance has come!"

Until mothers feel the pain of childbirth, the child finds no way to be born.

The Trust is within the heart and the heart is pregnant: all the exhortations of the saints act as a midwife.

The midwife says, "The woman has no pain. Pain is necessary, for it will open a way for the child."

I hope these quotes inspire you in these waning days of Ramadan. Please remember me and my family in your prayers!

Blessed Births and Beginnings

Motherhood by bagath makka

My Ramadan post has taken a back seat to, well, my Ramadan! Next year God willing, I will post something! In the meantime, I have found a lecture, again by Shaykh Abdul Hakim Murad, on motherhood. He talks about many of the mothers mentioned in the Quran, the mother of Moses, Mary, and others, and mentions the significance of this. That each time we speak about greatness, we mention the mother, and that this in turn deserves an immense amount of respect. He mentions that starting with birth, a mother is given blessings; that with each contraction she is given the reward of freeing a slave. Each contraction! One reason to be grateful for a long labor! If you are celebrating Ramadan this year, I pray that it is one of enormous benefit to you and your family. Look for more frequent posting in a couple of weeks!

Born into Ramadan

"Metabolically and internally, Ramadan knocks the stuffing out of us. Like all the basic practices of our religion, it is an idea as simple as it is shattering. The body and spirit respond at their deepest level. The ego squeals with pain. To the extent that we are still babies, we cry and cry.

There are some elemental human experiences where the body, detecting its limits, transforms the spirit. Making love, famously, is one example. But there are others. Once, walking in the Alps, I passed a lake as blue as cobalt, formed from the meltwater of a glacier which towered over it. No-one was in sight, so I stripped off and ran straight in. The shock of that freezing water around me was staggering, and I could feel my heart straining. Coming out, shivering uncontrollably, I felt like a king. All of life seemed to be shivering around me, and the world seemed to have become strangely sharp and bright.

The experience of being born must be similar. From a comfort zone we experience the pain of delivery, and the outrage of new existence in an external world of bright lights and strange sounds. The baby screams, but its pain is its first experience of true life. Spiritually, it has begun its career.

The fast blasts us, and exhausts us. We feel the laughable flab melting away, and start to remember the important fact that we are alive. Life is a symbiosis between our bodies and the world. We are alive when we feel that interaction and dependency at work."

-RAMADAN TRAVELOGUE No. 1

By Sh. Abdal-Hakim Murad

Please consider donating to the Cambridge Mosque, the first fully eco-friendly mosque in Europe, of which Shaykh Abdal Hakim Murad is a part of.

Photo by The Alpine by kern.justin

Birthing With Reverence

img_2798 by eyeliam



I found the following passage, about birthing with reverence from midwife Carolina Wise, to be eloquent and thoughtful. She does a wonderful job of extrapolating our current state of our highly technological maternity care system to our understanding of the meaning of sacred in society. May we all be more reverent. Birth is a litmus test for a society's treatment of women and for it's application of the sacred. A rising 32.8% Cesarean rate (and rising) leaves much to be said for America's view of women.

Birthing with Reverence

Midwives can create a spirit of beauty at a birth or they can desecrate it. They can create a sacred space around a birthing woman that drives out fear and inspires the mother’s belief in herself, which ultimately determines the outcome of the birth. Midwives can be a channel of Grace in ways they never imagined and in doing so they create a spirit of reverence. Reverence in these days and times is not a common thing.

As a midwife there were times after births that I was overcome with awe, which is another term for reverence. It seemed appropriate for the sun to stand still in the sky, and the traffic to stop, and the whole universe to pause for a minute of awe in acknowledgement [sic] that something astonishing had just happened. It just seemed appropriate that all of creation should have taken notice. Perhaps, in the unseen world, it did.

Unfortunately in America there appears to be little reverence for much, especially not women or birth. This is not surprising given the history of the oppression of midwives, the rise of the medical model and the objectification of women’s bodies. The sacred has not just been drowned out at births but in our lives as a whole. In fact, reverence is not part of our public vocabulary at all. Yet, there are a few things that Americans do revere. Reverence for money comes to mind.

If you follow where the money goes it will reveal the short list of things that Americans do have reverence for. Large amounts of money are funneled into the pornography industry. Women are not revered in that industry. In fact, they are desecrated as an object of fantasy, not to be loved, cherished and honored, but simply to be used and discarded. Therefore, lust is revered, and as a result we have become a pornographic culture in which women are routinely desecrated.

Desecration involves an act in which a sacred thing is pillaged, or dishonored. The opposite of desecration is reverence. Reverence acknowledges and honors the sacred. Women and that which has to do with them, namely birth, are sacred. But they are not sacred at this place and this time. In fact, who among all the industrialized nations are reverent about women and what they do when they give birth?

Midwives have been given a sacred trust and a great honor to stand by as a witness to a miracle. Birth is not a small miracle. It is an extraordinary miracle. We are created for reverence and our work demands it. But when birth became a medical procedure our culture became so far removed from the beauty of it that it became commonplace and unimportant to the larger community. In the process of our irreverence we lost sight of our beauty as human beings.

— Caroline Wise
Excerpted from "Birthing with Reverence," Midwifery Today, Issue 82

The Midwife's Apprentice

One thing I have managed to squeeze in over the past few weeks is some easy reading. The young adult novel, The Midwife's Apprentice by Karen Cushman, a 1996 Newberry Medal winner, tells the story of a homeless girl, Alyce, in an old English village, who is recruited by the local midwife to do the drudgery of birth work under the guise of an apprentice. She collects herbs, boils water, and is ordered to stay out of the room at the actual time of the birth, so as not to be divulged of the midwife's secrets! In the beginning the girl is grateful for a warm place to sleep and two square meals a day in exchange for her help, but eventually she succumbs to the magic of birth. Oddly enough, the first time she realizes that she has a knack for birth is at the delivery of twin calves. The mama cow is frightened and so Alyce starts to pet her and whisper to her, and soon the miracle of birth occurs. She is smitten.

"One morning as they sat under the old oak tree eating their breakfast bread, Alyce told the cat again about the birth of Tansy's twins. 'All shiny they were and sticky to touch. I did not even know them, but I loved them so much."

I'm sure most women who attend births experience this instantaneous affection for the baby as well. I often feel as if the baby's otherworldly secret lingers with me for days after the birth. Alyce thereafter was hooked. At the next birth (of a human this time) that she attends, the midwife gets called away to another (better paying) birth. She is left alone with a thrashing, miserable, laboring woman. Her success with calming the laboring cow resurface and so she:

"...took another deep breath and returned to Joan's side. She gave her mugwort in warm ale to drink and spoke soothingly, calling her Sweetheart and Good Old Girl. She warmed oil over the fire and rubbed her head and belly, as she had the cow's. She did not know the spells or the magic, so gave Joan all she had of care and courtesy and hard work."


And that is the essence of being with women in labor, coaxing babies through the darkened portal into light, bringing a woman 'round the bend to motherhood just takes a little courtesy, care, and hard work. It makes such a difference to have a hand to hold, a soft smile, and someone to laugh with when it's all said and done. These are the midwives, the ones who sit with women on the threshold of pain, and walk with them over it to joy, who bring them through this rite of passage again and again with dignity, wisdom and grace. I hope that there are midwife apprentices forever.

Give this book to the young women in your life that they might be inspired. And when you do, consider that there is a global Call to Action to strengthen midwifery around the world. Maybe like Alyce, more young women will look inside themselves and feel the call to serve women with that ancient, gentle midwife's touch. Far too many women in this world never know respect and compassion when they need it most, when bringing a new life into gravity's pull. We deserve better.

VBAC & VBA2C

Zoe's Delivery by Mwesigwa

VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean), or lack of it, is one of the major reasons for America's steadily (or should I say, alarmingly) rising Cesarean rate - currently a whopping 32.8% of all Amercan births end with an incision. Recently Richard Waldman MD, the president of the powerhouse medical organization, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, made a powerful statement concerning his colleagues quick jump to surgery. This year, at their annual conference he said:

"In 2008 the cesarean delivery rate reached another record high—32.8% of all births. There is a community not far from my home in which 45% of the newborns are delivered via an abdominal incision. [...] Liability dampens our spirits but unfortunately, it is also starting to define our specialty. [...] Let us recommit to do everything in our power to perform surgery only when necessary. Let us recommit to induce only when indicated and let us vow to never electively induce or perform an elective cesarean prior to 39 weeks. Any time we are tempted to take the safe path but not the righteous path, we should all say, “not on my shift."

It is a refreshing statement, one I hope holds up to the testing grounds of hectic and busy maternity wards. In our modern world it often seems that Cesarean is the only "choice" women have in the hospital to keep them and their babies safe. But our bodies have not changed since 1975 when the US Cesarean rate was 10.4%, obstetric training and practice has. Midwives have always been on the side of women and their bodies, learning and studying normal physiological birth in order to safely deliver women, and even now are often the only option for women who desire a chance at vaginal birth.

VBA2C refers to Vaginal Birth After 2 Cesareans. It is an unfortunate fact of life that many women now are in the situation of having had more than one Cesarean, but still long for a vaginal birth with a subsequent pregnancy. ACOG has in its guidelines on VBAC, allowed for a trial of labor with 2 or more Cesareans if a woman has had a vaginal birth before. Now a recent study has shown that even if a woman has not delivered vaginally before, she should still be allowed a trial of labor, even if she's had 2 prior surgical deliveries. In their findings VBAC in these cases, was successful 71.1% of the time. Uterine rupture, of course the sole reason for not allowing for VBACs, increased to 1.36%, which is roughly double what it would be in a woman who has had one prior surgery. But the tone of the researchers was encouraging and prompted practitioners to also caution their patients about the risks of a third repeat cesarean, in the light of these findings. Now that's informed consent.

This is great news for many women. Check out the video below to truly see the joy a successful VBAC can bring to a mother's face. If you want more information on VBACs in general check out this enlightening Cesarean fact sheet.

Spirituality and Childbirth

Gold Dome Masjid by TeeJe

The Prophet Muhammad is reported to have said that Paradise lies at the feet of your mother.

Much of a woman's allure, is not in the color of her eyes, or coquettish smile, but rather, lies in the layers of tissue, muscle and fat which conceive, nourish and birth her children. It has been written about and allegorized since pen was put to paper, probably even before. Women themselves ponder its meaning and symbol. Rightly so, for it is hard to find a greater sign on this earth of something more powerful, more majestic, more intelligent, than a mother's growing girth and the subsequent perfection of her rose mouthed babe.

Many women find themselves in a more reflective state while gestating their young. Who will this little one look like? Boy or girl? When will the labor begin? How long will it be? Will I be able to breastfeed with success? With so many unknowns it is no wonder that many women turn to a Higher Power to make sense of it all. It is calming and reassuring knowing that with all the uncertainty and upheaval that this new life has brought, that it is the same Power who called its soul forth and into your womb, the One who will bring the contractions, who long ago rendered the gender of your baby, and who has brought many, many women to the other side of this childbearing experience. What a glory to participate in a child's creation!

And now modern science has proven it. A study was recently published in the Journal of Perinatal Education which showed a connection between childbirth and a woman's spirituality. They looked at data collected from 250 culturally diverse women over the past 20 years and concluded that many women experience a richer spiritual experience during the childbearing and mothering experience. Among other things they found:

• Childbirth as a time to grow closer to God.
• The use of religious beliefs and rituals as powerful coping mechanisms
• Childbirth as a time to make religiosity more meaningful
• The significance of a Higher Power in influencing birth outcomes
• Childbirth as a spiritually transforming experience

Based upon their findings, the researchers are recommending that health care practitioners ask their patients, "Do you have any spiritual beliefs that will help us better care for you?" There is no time like the birth of a child to ask that question. I hope that all of the above come true for you dear readers!!

Home Birth on the Rise

on Flickr - by christyscherrer

Using birth certificate data from around the United States during 1990-2006, the CDC has just released a report on Trends in Out of Hospital Birth. It is a promising report detailing the uptake in out of hospital births in 2005 and sustained in 2006. Here are a few interesting and encouraging findings:

• Home births were less likely than hospital births to be preterm, low birth weight, or multiple deliveries.
• An increase in out of hospital birth also took place in Canada in the years studied.
• Women who are non-Hispanic white, over 25, and married, were more likely to have an out of hospital birth.
• Women born outside of the US were less likely to have an out of hospital birth than those born in the US.
• In 2006 64.7% of the out of hospital birth were home births and 28% took place in freestanding birth centers.
• 61% of home births were delivered by midwives - 16% by Certified Nurse Midwives and 45% by other midwives (which would most likely be Certified Professional Midwives, although the report doesn't specifically state their titles)

I hope this upward trend in out of hospital birth continues. For healthy moms and babes, there is nothing more joyful and empowering than welcoming your baby into this world, in the comfort and serenity of one's own home. For more information on midwives in your area, check out the Midwives Alliance of North America website, where you can search for a qualified midwife in your area and learn more about the Certified Professional Midwife educational process. Happy birthing to you all!!